Something Like Happiness

I read this thought today - We place our happiness in people's hands.

Isn't it true? I place in the hands of people around me, my friends, my boyfriend, my parents, my brother. Whenever someone takes away their hand for a moment, its the time sadness strikes. Have you ever had that feeling when you wrap yourself around your arms and cry yourself to sleep because there's noone around you to take that feeling away?

This is why I want to thank everyone whom I've held in my deepest & darkest times, everyone who understood my mood swings and my irritability. I know am a difficult person but thank you for being there!

PS: Thank god I started writing shorter posts! Now atleast someone will read them...

When Failure Strikes 12!

Ever come across the sinking feeling when everyone else around you is elated and doing well for themselves? Earning more money, living better, saving more, studying more - it isn't a happy feeling but is there anything you can do about it?

Just look at them and hide...throw the scraps behind and move on!

Do We Feel?

You might have read extensive advertisements proclaiming Indians as warm and welcoming people but I choose to differ. For starters, I don't consider that warmth is a feeling that you can extend to home sapiens only. How many times when driving past have you seen animals being beaten or tortured? We always slow the car to see an accident and then try becoming the authority on sane driving by saying that people should be careful while driving etc etc. Have you ever stopped your car and seen a dead dog lying on the road or helped a wounded animal?

As Indians, most of us feel ignorant about animals. When my dog was alive, my friends laughed at me when I said I love her more than anything in the world. Why? Why do we think that love is an emotion that can be extended to humans only? I have loved dogs, cats, squirrels and more animals & cried buckets when something happened to them.

Why am I writing this? I saw a family round up a cow today and beat it mercilessly with sticks and pelt it with stones for no seeming reason. I didn't do anything or say anything to them? Maybe I have become as cold as others now because all I did was give it a cursory glance. I remember last year I got into a fight with my driver because he ran over a dog. No, the dog wasn't trying to cross a traffic ridden road. It was a less used route and he was just lounging around one corner of the road and ended up with a broken leg.

Have you ever voluntarily killed an animal just because of the thrill you got? Do you think it felt the pain? What if someone slowly cut your throat...just because they wanted to?

Walking On Broken Glass

It feels like walking on broken glass
Every little shard that pierces me
Reminds me of the times I cried
Every time you broke it all
The love, the faith, the trust and more
I look behind at footprints that stain
The sand with a color that will never wash away
With every tear that I cry
I think of you - the hurt, the misery and the pain
I look up at the sky & wish
Wish for it to cry with me
And then I hear the ocean smothering
Smothering my cries
I can see the sun set not too far
I want to run, I want to hide
But pain always catches up with me
Ask it to play peekaboo because I never want it to catch me
Please ask the sky to cry with me
It would feel the Gods are with me
I see a mirror and shatter it
Splinters that pierce the heart
Hearts that break can never be mended again
For love comes once
But I am walking on pieces of broken glass

Mirror

"The reflection am looking at doesn't seem to be me. It is me in the mirror but those eyes - I can't recognize them anymore. I recall the same time five years back, when I was happy with work and my parents. Why do we get married - is it only to forget what we were and become what people want us to be? Why can't I eat, live and breath the same? You might be happy am doing everything the way you want me to do it but have you ever seen my eyes?"

"Eyes which wanted to see the world, these eyes that wanted to experience and live - these eyes that are now hollow for there's no wish that remains because no one is bothered about these eyes. Why is my life about you and not about me anymore? Why is it doing and not asking? I don't know if I love you anymore for you are no more the man I fell in love with - you're a stranger am living with, a stranger who wants me to cook & clean but forgets that I am a human. Do you know that I feel? Do you know that am not a china doll? Do you even know who I am?"

"Haven't you seen the tide changing? I am looking at an unknown face in the mirror - a face with no ambitions, a face which has stopped living. You pushed me in the background and forgot about me...and you think that am happy? Have you ever stopped and thought who you got married to? I can't reach through to you anymore"

"Do I still love you? I don't know - I'd be hurt if something happens to you but I don't love you anymore. Love isn't really something that goes on forever - like everything else you need to nurture it. I am going away - I don't know if I'll be back...I don't know if I want to be back. Am leaving behind everything that ties me to you and am taking an unknown road - I want to be what I was born as - a woman"

Coffee Times XI

And am back again! This time I won't crib or wonder in amazement about my blogging pace - "the times...they're a changing". I am doing wonderful things at work and for a graduate like me, it feels like a world of opportunities has opened up. Isn't it wonderful to take complete onus of something and be responsible for its growth!

But as its said, everything comes with a price...maybe this does to. Since joining G, I haven't blogged frequently because I can never seem to take out the time. Ouch! I know, I know - if you're motivated enough, you will take out time for something you're passionate about. I am passionate about blogging, but I guess am too much of a couch potato. In any case, weekends is the only time my brain is running amok with all these things I want to write about but thank God for little miseries, there's no computer to type away to glory with. I guess that will be taken care of now - G is giving me a notebook computer and am jumping with joy about it.

Till we meet again - try the Creme Caramel Latte at Barista - its heaven!

PS - Stay glamorous by asking them to use low fat whipped cream :P

A Hiatus Unbroken

As an ode to caffeineization --which I deem my baby-- all I can say is that I haven't been entirely faithful to something that started as an online dream to give way to the one thing I've always really wanted - to write. Everyone can write but not everyone can touch that part of the mind which secretly secrets copious amounts of adrenaline / dopamine or whatever hormone makes us feel. I think writing should be so potent that it can make you laugh, cry and build the world of the author around you. I read quite a lot but not so much as I can call enough to make me a critic of prize winning authors. Among some people I admire and would love to emulate are Paulo Coelho, Kiran Desai and William Dalrymple - all of them are writers beyond comparison.

For now, if I can't be true to writing on caffeineization, I shouldn't even consider myself worthy of thinking about writing. This is where my first article was taken from and I am truly very happy about it, even though the website I used to write for has somewhat died. I can go on from here ... let's just wait and see where.

Till then, we'll meet again - very often and this is a promise I mean to keep!

A Happy New Year?

We've landed straight into the new year with a lot of feminist issues hitting national dailies and news channels across the sub-continent, with the most burning being molestation. Personally, I was surprised to be reading about these cases on a daily basis. Most often than not, foreigners seem to be on the wanted list as victims. I might not be entirely correct in forming a judgment about this, but I think it might have to do with their ignorance about a country like India and considering it as safe as it is back home for them. Now am not saying that Indians per se are bad but all of you will probably agree that our country isn't the safest for women.

What with the 50 men NRI molestation case? Sometimes when I board my office cab at night and am alone in the cab, I pray the whole way to my home. Mostly, I keep talking to my friends or family so that if something happens they would know. What would those 2 women have been feeling? Imagine a stampede of men over you tearing your clothes and trying to feel you? Helpless, over powered and immensely scared. If you're a man reading this you may not be able to emulate the same feelings perhaps but if you are an educated, civil human being you might feel as strongly about it as we do.

And now, what with our Incredible !ndia campaign? After foreigners being raped and molested and such news being plastered all over the media, do we still vouch for 'Athithi Devo Bhava'? I don't. Why, we as Indians, are tarnishing our country in front of the world? Tourism is an important industry for us but then why do we want to lose our string of it and lose all the revenue that comes from it?

Sometimes, it is just disheartening to be a part of a country which is rapidly moving ahead in the economic boom and yet, socially it is moving back into the 17th century.

And We're Back...

After a hiatus of some months, we're back! No more Wordpress.com (it's too difficult for me to play around with) and Blogger.com is a little baby for me. My writing streak was discovered here so it makes sense to stay with a place which has given me so much.

And for a little update - I still work where I used to but I don't write as much anymore. Am sure I will make an honest effort to change that and write more frequently and write about useful things too :-)

Bored...

I have been writing here for a long time now. Decided that I should shift to wordpress but I didn't like it somehow. I can play around with HTML so much here but can't just do anything with wordpress. The themes are amazing though.

Now, I don't have the will to write anymore. I don't know if this blog will die a slow death or it'll be dormant for sometime but am hoping sometime in the future, I might be able to do some justice to it.

Am bored to death with everything about this...the lack of creative writing, the lack of a better theme, the lack of better pictures, the lack of colors...and it goes on endlessly.

Till we meet again...love life!